Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
