If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
