Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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