Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
