bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
