I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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