what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
