got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
