Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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