I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize