i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
