I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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