I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
