if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
