This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
