Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize