I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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