i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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