i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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