We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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