fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize