wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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