they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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