he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
