i just google imaged poop.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.