Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?