The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.