I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
