This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
