i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
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