I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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