I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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