Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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