Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
