I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize