Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
