You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
