Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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