lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
