I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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