The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize