This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
