but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
