I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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