I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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