May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
