I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
