so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
