the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
