TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.