he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.