This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased