I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.