i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.