Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head

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  (303): if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head http://tfl.nu/px1l
  Replies (10) Good night (643) Bad night (2699)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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  (563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r
  Replies (51) Good night (1153) Bad night (4533)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.

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  (610): the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing. http://tfl.nu/gyso
  Replies (21) Good night (6257) Bad night (812)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"

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  (432): He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun" http://tfl.nu/hrdc
  Replies (28) Good night (2775) Bad night (4313)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.

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  (505): He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off. http://tfl.nu/4dsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7841) Bad night (2131)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags

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  (610): I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags http://tfl.nu/4wxr
  Replies (6) Good night (1056) Bad night (1743)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset

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  (412): I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset http://tfl.nu/cmm6
  Replies (8) Good night (852) Bad night (2211)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

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  (612): I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed. http://tfl.nu/r67y
  Replies (17) Good night (623) Bad night (1423)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.

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  (316): I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/j3xl
  Replies (6) Good night (929) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.

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  (914): Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade. http://tfl.nu/3ila
  Replies (3) Good night (1360) Bad night (439)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!

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  (978): I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it! http://tfl.nu/x2pk
  Replies (9) Good night (1507) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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  (204): Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"... http://tfl.nu/0fub
  Replies (5) Good night (1097) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.

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  (617): somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic. http://tfl.nu/55u8
  Replies (1) Good night (767) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.

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  (423): I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume. http://tfl.nu/wnwb
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.

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  (586): I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down. http://tfl.nu/ak0v
  Replies (3) Good night (1100) Bad night (320)

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