do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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