But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize