He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize