Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
