Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
