you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
