Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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