coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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