I cannot find my penis.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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