How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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