I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
