He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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