you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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